A friend wrote to me yesterday forwarding a rather brutal “No” she had received. It sounded like the kind of “no” you’d receive from an absolute idiot. But, it hurt her.
Of course it did. I’ve been there. And that’s why I thought I’d write about 3 things I attempt to remember when I get rejected. This isn’t a “3 ways to deal with rejection” because dealing with rejection is really hard, and really personal. There’s no running away from how you feel. It’s easy to trot out the “it’s not personal” line. But, it is. Well, at least it tends to feel so. That’s why many spend entire lives running away from being rejected..
– Get rejected a lot more. Learning to get rejected is like developing a muscle. Like any muscle development, the early stages involve a lot of pain.
– It will still never be easy. It does eventually get better. You develop a thicker skin, get hit by self doubt a lot less. I won’t claim rejection becomes easy. It almost never does. But, you learn there are other things more important than more important than fear..It will just feel a little better.
– Rejecting others. We say no to others ourselves. I see a marked difference between folks who’ve been rejected a lot in their lives. The cruel no’s come from those who haven’t experienced it themselves.
I’ve had the opportunity to try out many kinds of work and the most difficult of those was giving out flyers at train stations in Singapore hoping one or two would convert. It was a painful experience as people treat you like crap as they walk by you. Since then, I’ve never been able to say no without a nice smile to anyone giving me a flyer..
Finally, congrats on being rejected, if you have! Failure teaches us things too. Once we get past the emotion, we learn a fair bit.. often, whom to avoid.
A Learning a Day 