Month: February 2012

Motivation is a word that gets thrown about a fair bit. We often hear of someone needing motivation when they are down, not feeling excited at work and so on.

Here’s the problem. Motivation is extrinsic. It’s like taking a bath and expecting to have clarity on the inside.

If we’re feeling low energy or unable to find a reason to wake up in the morning, motivation ain’t going to help. Inspiration is.

We often keep pushing motivation on people – great books, great movies and the like. I’ve done so myself more times than I can count. But, of late, I’ve realized that trying to motivate someone who is not inspired is like giving the a car a wash on the outside and expecting it to be clean on the inside.

The difference between motivation and inspiration is pretty stark. Motivation is answer thinking while inspiration tends to be more question thinking. When we seek to motivate ourselves, we ask for or throw answers – this book, that movie, that audio and so on. When we seek inspiration, we ask ourselves questions – why is this happening, why am I not feeling a sense of purpose, what can I do to inject that sense of purpose, how can I be happy etc.

Attempting to find motivation is easy. Attempting to find inspiration demands more thought, more effort and more work.

Like staying fit through regular exercise vs going on crazy diets. Like learning by reading books vs scanning the newspaper.

Maybe that’s why we prefer finding ways to avoiding it.

Except for one year, all of my childhood was spent in India. And the last 7 years was spent with my Grandparents. Any decision made my somebody from my grandparent’s generation is made based on good days, bad days, good times and bad times. For example, there are times in a day when you are not advised to start something new. So, for example, if you had to sign a contract, my Grandmom would always advise avoiding that time of the day.

There were many other things I classed as superstitions and perhaps, that was one of the big reasons why I grew up with a certain irreverence for what I was told could/should be done. Another example was ‘don’t cut your nails at night’. My annoyance was heightened by the fact that there was never any reason! And the resulting problem for her was that when she told me something like this, I would do exactly the opposite. Perhaps, she should have told me not to cut nails in the morning..

Anyway, as I grew up, I began asking the why  question before executing on the why not. I realized that there was a 50-50 split between the age old pieces of advice being bang on the buck and being way off. Cutting nails at night, for example, was avoided simply because there wasn’t as much artificial lighting and sophisticated nail cutting instruments. So, if you were using a sharp blade, you were likely to get cut. Besides, you might leave nail portions lying around and that wouldn’t be hygienic. Made sense then. Doesn’t now.

I must admit I was surprised when a wiser friend from a similar background and a similar way of looking at things was convinced about the effect of the full moon on energy. The full moon is known for upsets. Grandparents would never advise you to start something new on a full moon day. There are chances things will go wonky.

Anyway, I didn’t take it to heart. Two days ago though, I had a pretty wonky 24 hours. I experienced random events – losing something, unusually arguing with someone, showing up late for something etc. I was practically scratching my head as I was wondering when the day would end and casually decided to do a search on full moon days in February. And voila!

Now, before you start laughing thinking of me as an old superstitious goner (I did the same!), I also decided to some quick research on this phenomenon.

And, apparently, mental asylums report inmates going crazier, hospitals report more sick people, more babies born among other things on full moon days i.e. things go loony. (And, let’s not forget the werewolves.. ;-))

I don’t know what to make of it. Anyway, I have no idea when the next group of full moon days are so I’m not looking out for anything yet. (Sometimes, when you believe you’re looking for something, you tend to find it!)

But, I am intrigued.

Man, I’m going to be an annoying Grandparent..

My Grandparents are celebrating their 47th wedding anniversary today.

47! That’s more than twice my lifetime!

As was the norm in their generation in India, they had an arranged marriage and my Grandfather went on to have a career in Finance at Indian Airlines, whilst it was the only airline in India finishing as the General Manager Finance for the South India region which also included hubs like Singapore and Mauritius. My Grandmom was the home maker and that’s pretty amazing for a woman of her dynamism and energy.

They were opposites in many senses. My Grandpa was very quiet and happy with a close knit family life while my Grandma was all about making friends and being social. They might have had very opposing view points but they played a great team game and still continue to do so today. (sometimes to our annoyance! :)) I’ve never heard them take opposing sides in an argument unless it’s Grandma picking on Grandpa!

(That’s Grandma, Mom and Grandpa on Visu i.e. New Year in traditional clothing)

And here are a couple of very interesting anecdotes.

Grandpa is a big fish lover. And of course, like many men, the way to his heart is through his stomach. Grandma, on the other hand, has never touched or tasted fish in her life but learnt and makes the best fish curry I’ve had the fortune to taste. Oh and yes, she’s never tasted the curry either but I can’t remember a single instance when Grandma’s fish curry was anything less than perfect. There’s real magic in love!

And Grandpa, on the other hand, is an incredible role model in many ways. He is a man of few words who always makes a point. And, in addition, he’s developed a wonderful sense of humour in his old age. The most amazing this about Grandpa is that in all 47 years, he has never said a single negative word about Grandma. Not a whisper about anything he would have liked her to differently or change. He may have done so in private but never in front of anybody else. If that isn’t inspiring, what is?

Love is a verb at the end of the day and relationships that stand the test of time are those which translate to great companionship. And they’ve been an incredible example.

My Grandparents practically took the role of my parents following Dad’s passing away and I think of them as such. And I can tell you that there are few better sights in life than watching a close 47 year old partnership going strong..

Thanks Ammamma and Mutachan, for everything. Happy anniversary! And here’s to many more..

The greatest tragedy of our time.

We always judge ourselves inadequate and unfit to make a difference. Mandela put it best. Our greatest fear is not being inadequate but being powerful behind measure. Who are we to be fun, inspiring, beautiful, successful?

Here’s an interesting and random stat. There are always at least 70 million people who are looking up to you in terms of your experience and achievement. (I’m fairly confident the real number is higher but this is a rough approximation).

The older, the more experienced, the more achieved you are, this number is likely to be closer to 10 fold.

So, what are we waiting for?

Let’s volunteer for that charity, work for that not-for-profit, go back to schools and spend time with kids who aren’t daring to dream, teach sports/music/art to those younger than us, mentor that young colleague who is just getting started, reach out to that older colleague who is finding his feet, inspire those much more experienced with our hunger, energy and willingness to make mistakes, start a blog and blog every day or even just be out there and show up with the best possible versions of ourselves.

The options are endless. We live at a time when we can actually reach out to many more fellow humans than ever possible.

No excuses. 

Oh, and if you are already doing some of these, great job! The test is two fold – are you doing what you can do often enough? And are you helping bring more to the fold and inspiring them to do little acts of greatness?

The good news is that one little act completes the transformation.

Many little acts performed consistently is how great acts are performed, after all.

PS: As is the case with such things, failure is guaranteed. And as is the case with failure, the power of the experience grows on you..

It’s amazing how life is so full of ironies.

To be pillars of strength, we must first be vulnerable.

To be truly loved, we must take a stand and hence be prepared to be unpopular.

To succeed, we must fail.

To truly enthral our customers in the long term, we must disappoint them.

To experience joy, we must feel pain.

To learn how to be happy, we must experience sadness.

To lead, we must be able to follow.

And to really live, we must be willing to accept that we will die someday..

This week’s book learning is from ‘A Whole New Mind’ by Dan Pink.

Let’s examine two descriptions of the same thing.

‘The Queen died. The King died.”

“The Queen died. And the King died of a broken heart.”

The first line was fact. The second line was a story. It placed the facts in context, added emotion and made us connect to it by making it memorable.

In the early stages of the industrial age, it was all about facts and information. Left brained activity like analysis or programming that were ability to deal with facts were of maximum value. Over time, however, facts have become widely available and instantly accessible, and hence, have becomes less valuable.

Stories, on the other hand, encapsulate information, knowledge, context and emotion into one compact package.

When we speak to our clients, managers and colleagues, are we just relaying facts or doing enough to place facts into context via stories?

Dan Pink argues that as abundance becomes common in the world, the ability to bring meaning via stories is one that’s becoming increasingly important – at work and in our lives! The stories we tell about ourselves are probably most important because they are what bring meaning to our journeys..

Here’s to conveying vital information in great stories this week! :)

A few moments ago, I was reminded of a line a close friend wrote to me once in response to a Sunday Hello. I dug it out. It was in response to an email I’d written after one of those reflective weeks.

I had recalled a line from another friend who had spoken of his increasing reverence for life’s ebbs and flows as he grew older and wiser. We were amidst a very memorable dinner when I was asking him what his plans for the future were. He spoke of how he used to always have a plan and push hard to make that plan a reality. Push really hard. And then he said..

‘Whenever I find myself in a similar situation these days, I remind myself that I shouldn’t think about what I can do to change it. Maybe life is trying to teach  me something. Maybe life is teaching me to let go.’

I’d just had one of those weeks when I realized something similar. I’d remembered one of my favourite ever quotes.

‘Often we spend all our time thinking how we can change situations instead of letting them change us.’

I had written about how this blog was changing me and making my life so much more meaningful. It really was one of those weeks filled with musings. And this friend replied with a memorable short note with a deep line. She said..

‘I guess that why we see youngsters full of ambition and passion trying to change the world while experienced seniors quietly observe the world and go with the flow. ‘

I thought of these things a few times this week. It was one of those long and tiring weeks. I’m on a project that involves 4 hours of commuting in a day. I’m sure this will translate into blog posts around commute hacks but while I’m still getting used to this addition to my day, I find it to be a great opportunity to let my mind wander.

I thought of Mark Zuckerberg. What must his world be like? A 28 year old going through some very profound experiences. It’s easy to point to the money. But, if he was really in it for the money, he could have cashed out ages ago. No, Mark is an exceptional talent who’s gone on to make the most of some great opportunities which luck presented him. And he’s in it to make a difference.

If you’ve read Gladwell’s Outliers, this story will ring a bell.

I reflected on all of this during a conversation yesterday where a friend asked me about what I wanted to do a few years down the line. Would I start something on my own? If so, when? I promptly said I didn’t know and that I believed that I would know when I’m ready.

That sounds like philosophical BS on first glance. The sort of stuff you see in the movies. But I did mean it.

I can make all the plans I want. But, life just happens.

This is not one of those fatalistic beliefs where I point to everything being written in our fates. No, I do believe we have control on some of the things in our lives. But, only on some. Most of what happens to us is beyond our control. And there’s little point in thinking about it beyond understanding it.

It’s similar to the nature and nurture question. A big part of who we are is determined by factors beyond our control. A small part is in our hands. We can only do lots of small things and bring about lots of small changes. In time, lots of small changes result in big changes. That just seems to be the way we roll..

One look outside my window seems to only reinforce this point from nature’s point of view. I can see snowflakes make their way down to the ground covering it with a thin layer of snow. I can’t control the fact that it is freezing cold. I can, however, control the temperature of my room by turning the heater on. I recognize here that I’m fortunate to be able to do just this. There are many homeless folks in London who don’t have the luxury. I can’t control the fact that I can’t do much for them right now either.

But I’d like to. And I’d like to work on many other things to make a difference – on concepts like education, inspiration, growth, learning and how they translate to our lives.

And I’m fairly sure the answer isn’t the romantic ‘Quit your job. Do what you love.’ Heck, I don’t even know what I love.

But I’m sure I will, when I’m ready. Until then, life will continue to happen. It will continue to engage, frustrate, disappoint, enthral and will continue with it’s incredible yet inevitable ebbs and flows. That just seems to be the way of things.

We were having a discussion on childhoods today at AVC and I responded to one of JLM’s incredible comments about how his times as a young soldier made him grow up much faster than what might be termed ‘normal’. I’ve been told from a few times by people around me that I grew up too fast. But, when you lose two important family members in a space of 3 years by the time you are 12, I don’t know if you are left with too many other choices. At least in my case, a big part of life became about being thankful for support and kindness I received and then making it count.

In what seems a funny coincidence, I’ve thought of this two days in a row thanks to very different circumstances and conversations. And it made me wonder –  what is ‘normal’? I guess we all are on our unique paths thanks to circumstances that were dealt to us. We couldn’t have controlled them. We could only have flowed with them and occasionally, altered the flow in small ways to flow alongside people we loved. And, as we grow and become more aware, we just get the hang of making more of these small changes and hopefully, learn to enjoy the flow by working hard to see the upside in situations, working hard and doing the best we can.

And, if we have done our parts and get fortunate with lady luck, we may have a few opportunities to do some really big things. This might be when we’re 28 like Mark Zuckerberg or in our 70s like  Colonel Sanders. The dots always seem to connect though. Somehow. And hard work seems to always pay in the long run. Somehow. And these big things happen when we’re ready.

Until then, of course, it’s back to the drawing board and back to preparation and ‘getting ready’… one learning at a time.

—

I tend to write these saturday rants with a song on repeat. This week’s song was a reflection song – Johnny Cash’s epitaph Hurt. There are a few people I know who find the song too depressing.

I find it powerfully introspective. Johnny Cash looks back on a life with regrets.. and when men who achieved as much as he did speak of empty lives, it does make me wonder whether the things we so wholeheartedly chase are indeed the things we will value when we take stock of our own..

My first  job was at a start up. I was 17 years old then and very high on excitement. I don’t think the excitement part has changed too much but I do like to think of myself as having matured…. (don’t we all??)

I remember my excitement at having been given a company email account. I immediately went about emailing every one I knew and shared the joy. And, very soon, my work email account became my ‘go to’ email account. I loved it. I used to even have a signature that said ‘Services Manager, Nineo.com’. To a 17 year old kid who was just growing up and ‘feeling big’, all this was a big deal.

Now, this job was more than a job. It became my life for 3 years. There were many months when I only had a Sunday evening to relax. We worked some absurd hours and there were no boundaries. All was well.

Well, not really. We all realized that we were more productive when we set a time to go home. In my case, it meant less procrastination and getting stuff done. The other big problem was having all my personal email amidst my work email. As a kid learning to be disciplined, I hardly ever drew the line. Clearing email was now a mix of both lives.

I learnt a lot from that experience.

When I started working post graduation, I actively made sure that I had 0 personal emails on my work account. My work account is the only mail I receive via the Mail app on my phone. And things have worked much better.

As far as timings go, I have worked on setting boundaries whenever possible. Setting boundaries involve pushing back and the best time to do that is when accepting a new engagement. Once you say yes and commit, you keep up your word and deliver. It’s not the easiest thing to do when you’re a junior because part of your value comes from the fact that you are likely to say yes and just do it. As with most things, it’s fine when done in moderation. When there’s relatively less to do, my routines have made sure I get out as early as I can and move on to other things.

And the ‘move on to other things’ part has been one of my biggest learnings. It matters that I have ‘other things’ to do. For most senior folk, this is their family and it ensures they prioritize and be clinical with their time. For me, it’s meant continuing my start up life’s many initiatives and not compromising in my expectations of myself to deliver on them as well. I’ve also learnt to give sleep top priority.

Essentially, the big learning here has been to set boundaries in what’s becoming an increasingly boundary-less world. We live in a world where we have a stream of in-flow at all times. We could be clearing email all night if we didn’t learn to say no. That wouldn’t be effective, of course. But, if we’re in the habit of doing so and thus, sleeping less, then we’re likely not thinking all that straight either.

A football game is fun only we mark out the pitch. If the playing area was infinite, then the game would dead boring. And, if the playing time was infinite, we would probably stop playing the game at some point.

It’s similar with our lives, especially with our work lives. It’s important we define the boundaries and the rules. Else, all we will do is keep running. It won’t be fun.

And it probably will do us good to remind ourselves that work alone needn’t be fun. Kicking a ball by yourself isn’t all that fun either. Add in a few other other players, a goal and a limited period of time and now we’re talking..

Not too different, really.

What would our life look like if there was no moaning?

No complaints about people, life and environment?

How’s work? “It’s very good. These … are great. And I’m working to see how I can not let … affect me.”

Nothing is perfect. That’s established. We are designed to find fault. That’s established. And it’s very easy to complain. That’s also established.

The big issue with complaining (among many others..) is that it’s like vomiting. We feel good. Everyone else around us feels worse.

Why bother with that cycle? Why not just take it out?

What would life look like?

I’m going to test it. The next time I feel like complaining, I’m going to smile and remind myself to move on.

More to follow.

On December 6th, I’d posted about ‘Removing Try’ from my vocabulary. It’s close to 2 months now and I’m happy to report that I have only used the word ‘try’ about 5 times and always in the ‘Trying to reach you but unable to do so’ context on Skype. Never for escaping a do or do not verdict. I’ve had to check myself many many times, particularly when typing emails.

Consequently, I’ve said many more No’s, hardly any Maybe’s and more Yes’ than I’m comfortable with. As a result, I’ve missed a few appointments thanks to too many Yes’ but I’ve at least not been hiding under the ‘let’s try and make it happen’ excuse.’ There’s more of ‘Let’s make it work.’ And, while the execution is not perfect, I expect it will get there in due time. Deciding not to use ‘Try’  has been liberating.

My next such initiative is No Excuses. I really am sick of excuses. I hate receiving them and equally, hate giving them. They are an easy way to fill in the silence of disappointment from a superior, a friend or a family member. They are easy acts of self defence. But, like most things that are very easy, they aren’t right.

So, I hope to report back positively in a few months. As with try, I’m under no illusions of how difficult this might be because reaction is built in. Response takes self control and will power, which in turn are like muscles that gets stronger the more we flex them.

That said, I’m determined to do it. Let’s see how it goes.

‘Let the one who will move the world first move himself’ | Socrates

(I have quoted this one many times as one from Aristotle. I was corrected yesterday. And I stand corrected. Apologies for the wrong attribution. And Socrates, I hope you’ll forgive me. :-))