I’ve wrestled with the question of identity a fair bit. What is identity? Why does it matter? What does being ‘Indian’ mean? Am I patriotic? What is patriotism?
It’s been more than 5 years since I have left home now and factoring in graduate school, it will probably be atleast 5 more before I give myself the option of going back. Will I give myself that option though? I can’t tell yet.
I have many thoughts on this issue. And I’m going to dive in with no structure or research backing whatsoever. This is going to be a rant in it’s purest sense – a collection of thoughts and ideas I am wrestling with based on my own experiences and thinking. It is likely to be very long. And it is likely to be similar to The Pursuit of Happyness rant and yet, likely to be very different thanks to the simple fact that I have many more questions here than answers. So, here goes..
The first bunch of questions I asked myself were – Does citizenship matter? Am I even a citizen of a single country? The world feels like a global village. Am I not just a denizen of this global village?
The next bunch wave of questions were around – Does a ‘piece of paper’ (i.e. my passport) mean anything? If I were to switch citizenship, would it mean I’m any less Indian? Is it wrong to seek another piece of paper to make travel and life easier?
And finally – What does ‘being Indian‘ mean to me? Am I proud being so? Does this mean anything beyond some emotion I may be clutching? Is this part of my identity? What is my identity? Do I ever plan to give back? Will it ever work out for me in India?
These questions have popped up from time to time over the past year. And I’ve given each of them considerable thought.
One of the things I encourage every young Indian to do is to spend atleast a year abroad. Ideally, in places more developed. As a child growing up in India in the boom periods of the 1990s and early 2000s, I frequently recollect hearing India Shining and India 2020. Being an avid debater and public speaker, I can recall many competitions, republic and independence day celebrations where I gave my views on the topic. (Well, more like my mom’s views on the topic). I can’t say I was ever convinced though. Luckily, I was constantly reminded to question what I was being fed. And here, I must thank my Mom.
My mom is the quintessential traveler. She is one of those people who is at home in a foreign land. I’ve probably traveled more and lived abroad longer but my mom, in many ways, embodies the spirit of traveling. Thanks to her open mind and spirit, she truly takes a deep dive into a new culture and society and enjoys traveling like few others I know do. Having been exposed, she always insisted that we were fooling ourselves. And she wanted me to go out and experience the world. I happily agreed. So, thanks to her, I opened my mind to studying and living abroad. And very soon, these dreams became reality. I had 4 years of life experience under the excuse of studying engineering in Singapore.
Understanding Singapore was truly eye opening. Life in Singapore was in many ways an exact opposite to life in India. Massive vs small, old vs new, unclean vs clean, corrupt vs un-corrupt, chaotic vs orderly – it really was a contrast. Singapore, in many ways, is as close as you can get to perfection in this world. I still wasn’t satisfied though. I wanted to experience the west. After a short stint in the middle east, it’s becoming close to a year being based in London. London, funnily enough, is a lot like home. Most of the adjectives I’d associate with home would fit right in. Thanks to Mom and Grandparents, then RealAcad and work, I’ve also had the good fortune of traveling around Europe for a short while and spending a few weeks in total in the US. Other continents are sure to follow as well.
All these experiences have given me an incredible amount of perspective. I look at India from a very different lens now – from the outside. And I see a very different picture. While I do hear of the enormous economic boom and increased focus on India thanks to the failings of the leaders of the West, I find myself still unconvinced. And here’s why. India is essentially still tribal. We are still run by families. The two essential aspects of modern civilation – wealth and political power are concentrated in the hands of, literally, a few families. Most of our political history has been controlled largely by one family and most of the wealth today is in the hands of massive family owned conglomerates. There’s very little reason to change – that’s a comfortable position to be in. And a lot of the political effort thus far has gone into just that – keeping the status quo.
These reasons make it significantly harder for young upstarts to make it. Doing business is not easy, education is managed murkily, infrastructure is pretty bad and corruption is rampant. Aside from this, there is an incredible diversity that we have to deal with. People of all colors and types from 28(or more) very different states. That said, when compared to Europe’s warring states, I find India’s unity-in-diversity pretty incredible.
Over these years, I’ve had coffee table discussions and debates from time to time on this topic, especially back home. I’ve spoken with folks who are convinced that the west has gotten it all wrong and that India is the true great country. And, on the other hand, I have spoken with many who have just become cynicial about the country and talks of growth and prosperity. Then again, for the large part, most others don’t really care. I’ve had a few discussions about this with Indians on the outside as well. Again, we have a mix. Few of these want to go back and stay close to family, most others can’t see themselves going back for the next couple of decades and then, of course, there are few others who would go wherever life takes them.
I’ve also had chats with Indians who have given up their citizenship. Here, some of their reactions have amused me as many want nothing to do with India. I sense shame when they speak of India. They like to associate themselves with their new motherland. And yet some others switched passports for professional reasons – ease of travel and the like.
One of the better discussions I had, though, was with a Chinese friend who spoke of business and life in China 20 years ago and how things had gradually been changing. I found the discussion very insightful as I could relate completely to the China of 20 years ago. Being a few years ahead of us on the S curve (albeit with a very different approach), our discussion on China’s progress gave me a lot of optimism. She spoke of the emerging middle class which forced the rigid system to change gradually and gradually become more open to the middle class changing things. She spoke of how an increasing number of Chinese are making their way back home thanks to a better business environment and increased entrepreneurship. And, of course, China’s growth and general progress has reflected this shift.
The other big influence in my thinking has been thanks to the US. I am a huge fan of the United States. I truly believe in the US being a land of opportunity and I have loved every moment I have spent in the United States. I share the general optimism of the American people, their belief in entrepreneurship and the power of technology and of course, their insistence on democracy and freedom. I love their work ethic and I am in awe of their advancement in research and technology. I am one of those who would like to see the US remain the leading super power and I’m hopeful they will find their way back.
My blog roll reflects this admiration. All my role model bloggers and many of my blogging influences are Americans. And herein lies the biggest reason this post has been coming. Over the past few months, I have watched and participated in (particularly at AVC) many many intense debates amongst the Americans on Obama, healthcare, entrepreneurship, tech and the economy. And I have been amazed at the common thread of patriotism that runs deep within them. Deep. Real deep. And, as a result, I’ve found myself wondering (much more!) about my own roots and beliefs.
The other big influence, as mentioned earlier, was the autobiography of M K Gandhi. A truly fascinating book. That book reminded me, once again, of the freedom struggle. I had lost touch with all of this. More questions and observations popped up. In many ways, I actually found myself feeling that Gandhi was one of the few who truly got the Indian psyche. He had the kind of ideas that worked in India. He preferred hunger strikes to violence, for example. His career also made for an interesting study. Grew up in India, studied in England, worked in South Africa and only returned home in the latter part of his career. But, by the time, he was back, he was ready to have the kind of impact he did.
Decades following Gandhi, I find his overall process still works. Hunger strikes have still proved themselves most effective in rallying India’s population. And I have already mentioned my bias towards going abroad and getting exposed. It makes sense.
The biggest realizations over the past few months, however, came when talking to a wiser Indian friend. We were discussing identity and the concept of building. We were discussing how, at the end of the day, we were essentially Indian. Changing our passport wouldn’t change that fact because that’s how the world identified us. And, at the end of the day, in our heart of hearts, that’s how we identified ourselves. We then also spoke about the concept of building. And, one of the things we agreed on was the importance of building at home. If we didn’t, who would?
Did that mean we would take the next flight home and set up shop? Not really. It did mean that it was part of the big picture. It meant we saw this period of learning and growth as a phase. But, at the end of the day, we did see ourselves going back and giving back.
In many ways, this is the biggest indicator of where I am in my thinking about India. Despite all those things that seem terribly wrong with the country, I am optimistic of how things look for a number of reasons. The biggest reason is the change that I believe economic prosperity will foster. The richer the common man becomes, the more push there will be for change. And I’m optimistic this will happen. The degree of entrepreneurship is generally a great way of measuring progress. And that’s been on the up. There is progress, even if it is painfully slow.
The other big factor that makes me positive is that India seems to have many of the ingredients that the US has/had in it’s glory years – democracy, chaos, hardworking people, a young population, struggles with discrimination (black-white in the case of the US and caste system in India’s case) and a thread of unlikely unity amidst the diversity.
I’m not one to be carried away by talk of projection of boom and neither am I one to be depressed at the thought of the massive challenge that lies ahead. Where one may see trouble, I generally like to see opportunity. And hence, there is no lack of opportunities and building to be done. Like in the China situation, it is my belief that it’s only a matter of time before the environment becomes easier for the middle class to asset influence. The big question, of course, is whether this will happen soon enough. That said, I also know there will never be a perfect time. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not expecting ‘ideal’. All I’m hoping for is good enough.
My mother often asks this very deep question every time we speak – ‘Will India ever be first class? Will it ever be a truly great place to be?’
I don’t know. I have reasons to be optimistic. Change is the way of things. And change in India is long overdue. But, then again, the more I think about it, I realize that I don’t really care. I will go back anyway. I’m just not ready yet and neither do I believe that the time is right. But I’m convinced the time will come.
And then, when I ask myself – Why don’t I care?. I realize the answer here is threefold. Firstly, it’s because I’m eager to build. And I’m confident that there are many more who have the same eagerness and desire to build. We can change things. That’s a given.
The second is best explained by one of my all time favorite Elliot quotes, one that I recently mentioned in a recent post.
I find this incredibly true. I’m still exploring. But, the end will arrive. The end may be a few decades away but it will come. It is, I understand, the way of things.
A Learning a Day 