Beginning of the movie Switch – Subway in New York
Look at us, running around. Always rushed, always late. I guess that’s why they call it the human race. What we crave most in this world is connection. For some people it happens at first sight. It’s when you know you know. It’s fate working its magic. And that’s great for them. They get to live in a pop song. Ride the express train. But that’s not the way it really works. For the rest of us, it’s a bit less romantic. It’s complicated, it’s messy. It’s about horrible timing, and fumbled opportunities. And not being able to say what you need to say when you need to say it. At least, that’s the way it was for me.
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In that note, I think we see what I like to call ‘The Connection Paradox.‘ We crave connection. We crave to be heard, to be understood and to connect with others and understand them. Yet, intuitively, we tend to back away from it.
Because, seeking connection means many things – it means being open to putting ourselves out there, it means being open to saying a few stupid things once in a while and it means being open to the fact that, somewhere down the line, we will get hurt. And it is likely we all have tried and sought connection and been burnt, at one point in our lives. A friend who betrayed us, a group of friends who laughed at us or most likely, a romance where we got burnt. So, we stop. We become wary. We punish everyone for one person’s mistake. We stop trusting. We stop connecting.
The curious paradox is that while we think this makes us happy, it actually doesn’t. Because it underscores the underlying need for connection. We are social animals. And, social is often misunderstood for gatherings and get togethers. Well, no. Social is a lot more than that. It encompasses expression, dialogue, debate, conversation, understanding, humor – all those things that characterize connection.
I’ve used my own example with commenting in blogs. It was unnerving at first and just easier to stay away from. I remember seeing a 70-100 comments every day on AVC and wondering if I would fit in. I’m happy I took the plunge. Over time, my blogs list has expanded and I find myself in dialogue and debate during close to every break at work. It’s the sort of void Facebook can never fill. Facebook, for all it’s ability to connect people, is way too public. We are still tribal.
As the world becomes flatter, we become increasingly tribal – the only difference is that our tribe is located across the world and connected because of choice and interest.
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End of Switch
Look at us. Running around. Always rushed. Always late. Guess that’s why they called it the human race. But sometimes, it slows down just enough for all the pieces fall into place Fate works it’s magic. And you’re connected.
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It’s like magic, indeed. And, like any magic trick, we just need to be paying attention.
A Learning a Day 