It’s really hard to care.
Really really hard.
And here’s why – Unconditionally caring for someone often means many disappointments. It takes a lot of effort to align continuously with these people you choose to care about (as we all change), really make an effort to discuss things that matter and then, of course, put in all that effort to stay in touch, stay connected etc.
It takes a lot of time, effort and commitment. And what’s worse is that it also requires us to commit to being the ‘bad’ person at times – because true care is not just about patting someone’s back, it’s also about asking the tough questions every once in a while.
And, after all that, it tends to hit you hard because, often, your care (if constant, and over a sustained period of time) is taken for granted. And then the relationship is toast of course.
Many months, years.. feel like they have just been washed away. Oh, and that aside, you, more often than not, walk away hurt.
After all this, it’s hard to truly open your mind and heart and care again. The ‘should I/should I not dilemma’ is the toughest of them all.
People close to me have often accused me of being very ‘cold blooded’ in terms of not spending time with people I don’t care about and focusing wholly on people who I do.. It’s just that over time, I’ve realized that I am happiest with a close circle and even that close circle is always in flux – always changing. Some people last for a reason, some for a reason and yet some others for a life time.. and over time, I have learnt to accept that.
Let me correct that. I am learning to accept that.. It’s work-in-progress. And I felt this whole gush of emotion as I felt let down again. But, there’s no ‘should I/should I not care’ questions though.
I know that the good times were worth every bit of all that effort.. and this is a reminder to myself to always toast to the good times.
There’s always a positive.
A Learning a Day 