That’s probably the only rationale..
It’s 4:11AM.. I have had a very productive last 2 days and I’m very tired..
My brain’s completely fried and I’ve decided to call it a night..
My FYP presentation (at 10AM) is 90% where I would have liked it to be. There’s no way I am going to be able to make the remaining changes in this sort of state..
And yet, I am feeling very philosophical..
(Tired-ness and sleepless-ness have effects similar to alcohol – I am inclined to believe..)
Philosophical enough to whip open my laptop again and write down a few thoughts. I just finished a whole rant to a close friend.. and here are a few of my learnings, most about myself..
1) Relationships are SO hard to maintain. Especially, when it is a good relationship, it takes only one bad experience to cause a crack that would take twice as much time to repair than it took for the relationship to even build. It is so illogical but that’s the beauty about human emotions.. logic doesn’t work with emotions..
2) I am probably too judgmental.. I find it very hard to forget, even if I have forgiven. That means an experience stays with me for a while..
3) I realize that I am drawn to challenges. If I have none, I make one. How else can I explain my actions?
4) My views on relationships have changed a lot. A big part of this is because of the discipline I have acquired over the past year with systems. I would not have bothered going out of my own comfort zone in terms of vulnerability to build a new relationship at this stage of university.. I mean, why make it harder? It’s hard enough leaving a place I’ve loved..
But, these days, I actually feel that relationships can grow stronger with distance.. That’s one of the beliefs that’s changed purely because of discipline in staying in touch.. Interesting one..
5) I am a people person – not a machines person. I understand the heart better than I do the mind. I understand emotions better than I do logic.. Why do I try to tell myself otherwise sometimes?
6) I’m finding it hard to put myself out there. I’ve not had the need to do for a long time.. and time hasn’t made it any easier..
7) I just read a lovely email today about people being there either for a reason, for a season and for a lifetime. I thought it was a great thought.. I have experienced many who’ve been around for a reason, few for a reason and even fewer for a lifetime..
I think what I’ve been trying to say is that I now like to believe that the lifetime group can expand to well beyond the current few.. a point I would not have agreed with a few years ago..
Here’s to growth.. I guess this is what it feels like.. haha
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It is time to read the signs – my eyelids are practically shutting down on me. Here’s to 3 and a half hours of good shut-eye then.. and let’s see if I remember this philosophical state in the morning..
A Learning a Day 