Social media has created a new country – Pretentious-stan. Here’s a prospectus –
Rent: Our rents are high – we require large amounts of your time and an unwavering attitude that is focused on serving our cause. Most of your thinking time should be devoted to making the stay of our other residents comfortable. This is not all about you, after all.
Note: Unholy ideas like opportunity cost are not to be considered
The ideal resident. Our ideal residents have 3 endearing qualities to our residents –
1. A constant need for approval
2. A willingness to share normally uninteresting details and/or gossip
3. A willingness to, well, be pretentious. This requires a bit of elaboration – we require our residents to invest in things that fall into our “Like-able list” – all moments they feel awesome and amazing, photographs of a coffee mugs and tea-cups at all stages from all angles (actually, most kinds of photographs), “check in” from every place that might draw likes – new countries, business class lounges at airports, and, in general, we love those who share pictures of themselves sharing into great landscapes.
(Fun fact: Unlike the Foursquare check in which was invented to create a directory that would create an online version of the yellow pages, we are proud to share that the Facebook check in was created purely for Pretentious-stan residents. That it has expanded to mainstream use is a sign of our the validity of our mission.)
Are you worried that you may not fit in? Don’t worry – even if you have none of these qualities but have a desire to fit in, we’ll make it work. We use state-of-the-art tools (Facebook and Instagram being on top of the list) to make sure you feel at home right from day one.
Word of caution:
1. We consider sharing things in our “un-like list” equivalent to treason – interesting ideas, stories about your failures (boo), things that moved you, long and well thought out prose. We share similar ethos with successful public speakers and just focus on making it entertaining. Real content is frowned upon and you can rest assured that NO pretentious-stan member will like or encourage such content by sharing it.
2. We also dislike the use of social media to, well, be social – e.g. stay in touch, create meet ups in real life, etc. We allow for occasional indiscretion but, on the whole, we prefer you spend time on your phones even when interacting with your family and friends. Thank you for your understanding.
We are sure you will like it here.